she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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