Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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