just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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