I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
