i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
