This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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