He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
