so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
bring money and cleavage
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
