i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
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The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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