i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
