He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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