Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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