when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
