i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
