I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
