Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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