hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
