My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
