The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
