Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
