For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
