and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
