Already got asked if we're dating
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
