i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
