also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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