first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
