theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
