Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
God, I missed his penis.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
