I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
