Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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