Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
