They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
two words...techno handjob
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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