Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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