I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
