I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
