dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
