Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You are a booty call, not a friend.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
