I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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