his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
