she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Let's get the cat blown out
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
