this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
