Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
