It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
