Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction