hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Why are you drunk at the library?