very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
