Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
