hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
