you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
