i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
