The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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