im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
