I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
