Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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