the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
