I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
