i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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