you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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