I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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