he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
