Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
