Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
