The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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