We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
