My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
