You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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